— Don McPherson, former NFL quarterback, feminist and educator
— For The Men Who Still Don’t Get It, Carol Diehl (via pegthepatriarchy)
— Audre Lorde
— Jada Pinkett Smith
Don’t believe me? Think about how differently Sarah Palin’s campaign coverage would have looked had she been a black woman. Palin was a working mother with five children, one of whom, Bristol, was a teenager and pregnant while Mom was on the campaign trail. If Palin had been black (or Latina for that matter) she would have been cast as ignorant and uneducated and characterized as a drain on the system. Heteronormativity is not just about being straight; it is also about class, race, and lifestyle choices."
— Samhita Mukhopadhyay (via honeyandsun)
We like to think of abortions as these things that women turn to in times of distress and crisis. You all know the story of the typical lady getting an abortion. She’s young. The condom broke or she skipped her pill or it was a one-night stand and they were drunk or they’re in love and they didn’t think it could happen. But now she’s a week late and she’s spent 4 days crying on the floor of her bathroom wondering why her period is late and why she’s throwing up so much and she’s afraid to tell her mom. So she ditches chemistry and goes to the pharmacy and buys a pregnancy test while wearing sunglasses and a hoodie and goes home and it’s positive so she takes 10 more tests (despite the fact that these things can cost $14+ a pop) and she crumbles onto the bathroom floor, AGAIN, because now she has to make a truly difficult decision. Is NOW the right time to become a mom? Now or do I wait? I want to go to college first. I want to get a job first. But here I am, with this baby. WHAT DO I DOOOOOO? Finally, after weeks of careful thought, and tons more crying, bravely and heartbroken, she makes the decision to MURDER HER BABY… so she can have the future she dreams of. And then she has to disclose to every boy she dates in the future that she had an abortion and her life is always kind of empty forever. The end.
But that’s not really how it works. Sometimes it happens like that. But not always. Not even usually… Let me personal-anecdote you for a second.
I am a 35 year old, married, mother of two. I’ve been pregnant four times. The first time I was pregnant, it was a surprise. Not a OOOOOHHH NOOOOO surprise, but a “we’ve been trying for over a year and we’ve seen a reproductive specialist and we’re giving up” kind of surprise. The short story is that this pregnancy was ectopic. It wasn’t really a heartbreaking decision to abort as much as a “what is going on? what is happening? is this real? am I going to die?” decision. My “choice” was A. save myself or B. save neither myself nor the baby. Mostly it was just scary that the first time I tried to reproduce, the first thing my “baby” tries to do is fucking kill me. But it was a baby we wanted. It wasn’t an accident. It was planned… ish. And yet we aborted.
Plenty of women who have planned pregnancies end up having to terminate for a number of reasons—medical or otherwise. Abortions aren’t a thing for the irresponsible and reckless and clueless. They’re part of the reality of simply having a working uterus.
Fast forward two live births and one heart-breaking miscarriage later. Now I’ve had all the pregnancy I can handle. I am done with that shit. That part of my live is over over over. I love my kids… at least half of the time. But I have limited amounts of money and time and sanity and patience. And of those resources, I’ve allotted all I’m willing to allot for children. If I were to get pregnant today, I wouldn’t have to think about it. I would have an abortion. It’s not that I’m “not ready” to be a mom. It’s not that I’m waiting for the right time. It’s not that I’m single. It’s that I simply detest being pregnant and I don’t want more kids. And my husband (quietly) detests when I’m pregnant and doesn’t want more kids. There will be no crying. There will be no hand wringing. There will be no thoughtful contemplation. There will be no more kids. Not in my body. Not in my house.
And the idea that women think long and hard and have to make a difficult decision that sometimes must end, tragically, in abortion is one that many of us are taught is true. (Admittedly, it took me a long time to shake.) It certainly has roots in Christian ideals that conception=life, and clings to the falsehood that all women are somehow biologically programmed to be maternal, that we all will become mothers, God willing.
It also, sadly, perpetuates a damaging untruth that good women are good mothers and good mothers love their children instantly and unconditionally and begin bonding from the first drop of pee on that stick. To not have that bond makes you damaged. You are unloving. Unfit. When the reality is that most women do not bond with their babies for weeks, even months. after they are born. They don’t fall in love with the stranger who declared squatters rights in their womb. And that most certainly includes women who had planned and wanted pregnancies. Not bonding with an unwanted clump of cells threatening to ruin your life isn’t really un-maternal or un-womanly. It’s pretty fucking normal. Not every pregnancy is a blessing."
Literally couldn’t find a shorter part of this to quote. It’s all brilliant.
certain queer girls dont get read as queer by fellow queers because
straight girls invade lesbian spaces because
straight men assault all girls in all spaces
Rocko Bulldagger, “The End of Genderqueer,” in Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity (edited by Mattilda, a.k.a. Matt Bernstein Sycamore
A quote I just read in relation to abortion. Very well put.
“Body Autonomy” or “Bodily integrity” is self-determination of human beings over their own bodies. You can’t be forced to give blood, bone marrow, or any part of you to another. You can’t even have them taken from you after you die without permission. The fact that you can save a life is irrelevant, nobody can forcefully take something from you.
Yet, there are people out there who believe 50% of the population *must* give up their body for 9 months, even if there’s risk of it killing them.
This is my new favourite “anti-choice folk are ignorant, sexist, idiots” argument.
In the United States there are plenty of music and other venues open to those under 21, but there are just as many that limit their shows to 21 . This has less to do with protecting the underage from drinking and more about ensuring that everyone who attends is also of the age to bring in revenue by buying drinks. Instead of X-ing the hands of underage attendees, they just aren’t allowed to experience the events at all.
As a result, there is a huge alienation of young people and especially of young adults between the ages of 18 and 21. We are often considered adult enough that we are able to live on our own and provide for ourselves, yet we aren’t allowed into “adult spaces” or “adult culture”, because we can’t legally drink. Simultaneously we no longer fit into the circles that teenagers inhabit. It’s a weird double standard that isolates young adults based on a perceived level of maturity and also suggests that consumption of substances is inherently a mature practice. It also leaves people who are sober, no matter what their age, unable to find music venues or events that aren’t drowning in alcohol.
[…]By so closely tying intoxication with adulthood in our culture, we have effectively removed most adult spaces that don’t involve drinking."
But anyone who knows anything about the tech biz knows that this is a (social) media side show, and that feminism will never be one of the “disruptive” values of Silicon Valley so long as Silicon Valley is principally a machine for producing wealth for the few. (See: the story of Katherine Losse, an early Facebook employee who also crossed paths with Sandberg.) To the extent that someone who so benefits from that business culture espouses feminism, it will be ruthlessly friendly to the corporate environment in which it is exercised.
It’s this limitation that concerns me about the brand of feminism we see in Sandberg – because it’s gaining ascendence, and because we’ve been here before. It’s a trickle-down feminism that centers the concerns of an elite minority of women, and it repeats losing tactics in the history of feminist movements. Sandberg is far from the only prominent feminist who supports these tactics, which – despite their intentions – have been insufficient in addressing inequalities among women. If the book and its attendant publicity had only framed Sandberg’s contribution as something “by and for women in positions of corporate leadership,” I doubt we’d be having this conversation."